Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
