my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
