watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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