I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
