Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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