I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
