Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
