Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
