i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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