You're earring is so big in my mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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