so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
