I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Come share oat with me in your robe
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
