He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
