dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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