if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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