She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i came on her dog
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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