As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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