i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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