Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
