i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
