I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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