Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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