Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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