i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
