Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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