you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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