woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
