When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
