and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
