No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
