Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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