dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
