I got chris browned last night
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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