the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Found the puke drawer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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