I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
