a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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