seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
God I need to hump something, right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
