Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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