ya dads aren't the best wingmen
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
