so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
