lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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