I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
