I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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