I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
birth control should be required to get into college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
