shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My ass is underappreciated
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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