Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
