My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
