college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
