so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
