the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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