id be glad to
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
