Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
