Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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