He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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