so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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