my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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