he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
