I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
