She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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