Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
