Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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