That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
