I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
