I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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