went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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