my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
