yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
