Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
