I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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