he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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