I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
