Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
