we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
