is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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