This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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