did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
