So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
