yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
