i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
